So NOT Happy . ..

So, it seems as if I am being made to face certain realities about LUPER . . . one, it is painful, two, it is painful, three, it is painful and four, the medicine that is healing me is also changing me. I now exist in a world of inflammation and pain. I have discovered that I can no longer say I'm tired because tired doesn't begin to describe it . . . I am exhausted. And I am weak. I have trouble walking, sitting up or even talking on the phone. I just want to sleep. The upsetting thing about that is the pain I feel when I lay on my side, or my stomach. I naturally sleep on my side, either side, but my hips hurt. Oh, this whole joint pain is just way too much. I think the inflammation is less but it feels horrible. Everyone that knows me knows that cereal is my favorite thing ever and I LOVE DAIRY. Not just like most people but I drink about 2 gallons of milk a week on top of cheese, ice cream and my cereal addition. When it gets cold, I make a 20-ounce cup of hot cocoa every morning. Dairy makes me happy . . . but no more. I don't want it and my body isn't tolerating it very well. Although I was able to eat mac and cheese last week. But it wasn't the most delicious cheesey goodness ever. And that is sad. Last year when I broke my knee and hip simultaneously the doctor remarked on the strength of my bones because the blow would have caused any other person to have at least 2 fractures or broken places. So, I look at it as investment but it also taste so yummy but no more. Dairy doesn't appeal to me and is no longer deliciousness. I guess its not the worse thing that could happen to me but it's upsetting. On the upside, I can't get enough of the yummy hot dog deliciousness. It's a strong strong desire - hot dogs, you know street vendor hot dogs, 7-11 hot dogs but I did have delicious hot dogs at the E this weekend at Oktoberfest. This weekend I went to the E for homecoming. The E was live and the people were amazing. I was treated so well and everyone cared - it made me feel special. And I was glad I went but I also realized that there won't be too many of those weekends for a while. My body definitely needs to be in a state of inaction. I plan on doing nothing this week in hopes of making it to my nephew's football game on Saturday. He is such an amazing young man. And I realize that I may not make it but I am definitely going to try it. And then at the end of the month I'm suppose to go to the circus with my 3 younger cousins . . . I pray I make that but I am not pushing myself. I will do nothing that will cause me additonal pain, discomfort or stress. I am so not happy right now . . . I'm constantly in pain, I have no enegry and I can't get warm. I am at a severe level of discomfort and I don't want to complain because no matter how bad this is I realize that I am beyond blessed.